Is There a God?
by The-Queen-of-Fluff
Summary: This is a Harry/Severus fic (yum! ^_^). There is rape in the second chapter so if that squicks you out then don't read. I've edited to make it not so explicit. Ch 9-13 up!
1. Beginnings

Chapter 1 Beginnings  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own them! Get over it! The charries all belong to the wonderful J.K. Rowlings. The song "The Shadow-Lover" belongs to Mercedes Lackey and Heather Alexander. I don't own the song either, but it's very pretty. Go listen to it! You can buy the record at Firebirdarts.com. You should also read her Valdemar series. Mercedes Lackey is the author that got me interested in fantasy books and she's inspired me to start trying to write my own story! Chapter one of that is on FictionPress.net under the name StoryCrafter. Anywho....READ AND REVIEW....tell me what you think of the new chappy one! ~QoF  
  
~Shadow lover never seen by day  
  
Only deep in dreams do you appear  
  
Wisdom tells me I should turn away  
  
The love of mist and shadows are unclear~  
  
June 17th Dear Journal, I feel so alone. Ron and Hermoine are together and I have no one. I sat there and watched them make out on the couches and I couldn't do anything. I have no one. Well I have a hope of someone but....I don't know if he feels the same way....I love Snape, but I fear I love in vain. Will I ever get up the nerve to talk to him? To tell him? I feel so unloved, so alone in life. Why am I so alone? Everyone loves me. I'm the Boy-Who-Lived right?  
  
~Nothing can I hold of you, but thought  
  
Shadow lover, mist and twilight wrought  
  
Shadow lover, comfort me in pain  
  
Who I love although I never see your face.~  
  
Why can't everyone understand me? I just want someone to talk to....I know that Ron and Hermoine are there for me but...they're just...oblivious sometimes...I mean, they have each other and all they do is give me a pity party whenever I'm around them, because I don't have anyone....No all I have are dreams that won't come true. How could they? I'm in love with the Head of Slytherin house! I'm the hero of Gryffindor....it'd never work. I'd be too afraid to tell him...I mean what if he said no? I'd be humiliated.  
  
~All who'd have me fear you speak in vain  
  
Never would I shrink from your embrace  
  
Shadow lover, gentle is your hand  
  
Never could another understand~  
  
I couldn't take it if he said no. Oh god, what do I do? I'm sitting here, writing to myself. This isn't helping! Honestly, though, what did I think it'd do? Answer me? I don't think so. I just...oh god I don't know what I feel anymore. This is my last year here and you'd think I'd be happy, because I don't have to live with the Dursley's anymore after this year, but no, here I sit, miserable. I'd even take Dobby as company, at least he could cheer me up! I've gotten no letters from anyone and I feel...awful. Alone. Unloved.  
  
~Shadow lover, sooth me when I'm worn  
  
Mourn for all who left me here alone  
  
When my grieve to be born  
  
When my burdens crushing great have grown~  
  
My grief is too much. I keep looking at the scrapbook that Hagrid gave me at the end of my first year. I see my parents, so happy. Why'd Voldemort have to kill them??? Why them? What'd they ever do to him??? Wasn't he before their time? I don't know anymore! I have tears in my eyes, just from thinking of them! I hate living here, and I hate living without them.  
  
~Shadow lover, I cannot forget  
  
Help me bear the burdens I have yet  
  
Shadow lover, you alone can know  
  
How I long to reach a point of peace~  
  
I feel as though no one truely knows the real me, the real Harry. I'm just a boy who's all alone. Everyone expects me to be this wonderful Wizard, but....I don't know. Hermoine's better at magic than I am! And having to deal with Malfoy and his goons...I swear, it's almost as bad dealing with them as it is living here.  
  
~How I fade with weariness and woe  
  
How I long for you to bring release  
  
Shadow lover, court me in my dreams  
  
Bring the peace the suffering redeems~  
  
I just want peace. Is that not possible? Probably not...not for me, the hero of the Wizarding World! Everyone knows me, and they all expect that I'm gonna always be happy and always gonna be able to defeat Voldemort, and it's driving me batty! I swear, it makes me wish that I was someone else. Even my dreams are plagued with people wanting me to do something for them.  
  
~Shadow lover, from the shadows made  
  
Lead me into shadows once again  
  
Where you lead I cannot be afraid  
  
For with you I shall come home again~  
  
I know that I'll be ok though. It's just...I feel so alone. I feel sad and lonely. I just wish I could talk to someone, someone who'd understand me. Not be horrified that I have feelings for Professor Snape, or be horrified I'm not perfect. I guess I'll just have to keep confiding in these yellowed pages. I'll have to confide in myself. Goodnight, Diary. Signed, Harry  
  
I close my diary and hide it under my loose floorboard. I make sure it's nice and closed so the Dursley's won't find it and read it. I lay back on the bed and stare at the ceiling. The setting sun is sending shadows dancing across it, fleeing from the impending darkness. "Harry! Harry Potter, come here this instant!" Uncle Vernon roars at me. "Yes, sir," I say as I rise to go to him. "I'll not have you sulking around this house! You're a disgrace to us and I wish you'd just...." Vernon trailed off, looking in my eyes. "You insolent little brat! How dare you look me in the face!" His hammy hand reaches out and cuffs me upside the ear. "I'll teach you to not look at me! Freak!" I'm being hit, repeatedly. I black out.... **********  
  
Ok folks....this is the mellower beginning to the story. It gives a little more background into what was happening in the old chapter one. Hope you guys like it!^_^ tell me what you think of it! Is it too descriptive? What?  
  



	2. Why Me?

Is there a God?  
Chapter 2  
"Why Me?"  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters! The wonderful JK Rowling does! Don't sue me! I said I didn't own them!!!!! Sheesh!!!!!  
  
A/N: I'm sorry if this chapter squicks you out. I'm really sorry. I've been raped before so I know the pain I write of. I needed to write this, if nothing else to get out the feelings. I'm crying as I write this right now. Well hope you read it and like it! ***  
  
Pain. It hurts so much. I can't stop it. PAIN! Make it stop! Oh god, Help ME! Make it stop! The pain, it's all I can think of, it consumes me. The breathy sighs of satisfaction above me, the ever increasing pain behind me. I try to block it out, to think of something else. Anything else. I try to move beyond the pain beyond the anguish. The world looks like silvery mist now. It's working. I'm floating. There's sparkles. What are the sparkles? Sudden darkness. Where'd the sparkles go? Where'd I go? What am I? Who am I? I'm cold. So cold. Where did heat go? Where am I? NOOO! The pain is back! The pain is sharp. I want the sparkles back! Damn you! I try to fight. It causes more pain. My head hurts now. I'm being beaten I think. It feels like something just broke. I think I have a broken rib. Oh god it hurts! Make it Stop!!! Please!!! What did I do to deserve this? I feel the tears stream down my face and try to keep from screaming. I hold on to my sanity with the barest of threads. I don't think I can stand this much longer, the pain is increasing, more and more. I flinch as I feel a hand hit me, hard on the side. I am being pulled by the collar around my neck, the one I'd been forced to wear around the house. It seemed to make Dudley laugh. I think that's why Vernon liked to use it on me so much, it made his little Duddlykins happy. I cried harder and tried to wish away the pain, to bring back the sparkles.  
Suddenly the movement stops. I'm thrown to the floor. "Get up boy!" Yells a voice behind me. I try to but I can't move thru the pain. "I said MOVE!" I get a kick to the rib. I try to force myself to my feet but I can't rise above my knees. I am naked and I'm bleeding. "You're worthless, boy. You can't even please me. Come here!" the man beacons to me and I crawl my way to him, trying to keep from getting hurt more. He grabs the back of my head. "Now boy, you're going to please me or I'll beat you till you can't ever rise again! Do you understand me?" When I nod he says, "Good." He kicks me and sends me sprawling. My head hits the wall and as I'm blacking out I see him buttoning up his pants. "Vernon!" "Yes, Petunia- dear?" "Dinner's ready!" "I'm on my way!" He kicks me one last time. I black out. So much for being the Boy-Who-Lived!  
  
*** Please, please, please hit the little go button! I beg you! I want to know what you people think. I'll be posting the next chapter soon... seeing as it's already written! :) 


	3. Escape and Rescue

IS THERE A GOD???  
Chapter 3  
"Escape and Rescue"  
Disclaimer: I don't own them. JK Rowling and whomever she chose to sell them to does. Unfortunately. I wish I could have them all but I can't. Oh well. Have fun reading this and remember to be nice and hit the little  
go button at the bottom, ok? Thanks! ^_^  
  
The next thing I knew, I was in a dark enclosed room. It was silent. I was alone. Cold. Afraid. I hurt so much. I pray it won't happen again. I close my eyes again and I see my parents. They wave at me. I run to them but I fall down. Their happy faces close up. No expression. Suddenly I'm awake again. Pounding. I cover my ears and cower in fear. It doesn't stop. Make the sound go away! Light. Blinding light. A womans voice, "Get up boy!" I move to comply but the world spins. I catch myself on the wall. It hurts. I see stars. My head pounds and my eyes are sore. Too bright. I can't see. Who is that? Is it mom? I hope it is. I stumble torwards the voice. No! It's not mom! Why can't it be mom??? I cry, silent tears of agony. Arms catch me. Who's arms? I can't see. They grip me so tightly. It hurts more. "Why can't you act like a normal boy? You...you ...FREAK!" The arms drop me. Normal? Why aren't I normal? Why am I a freak? I don't understand the words. What's freakish about me? I'm a boy aren't I? So I'm alone and afraid. I hurt for god's sake! I scream silently, "Why can't you understand me? Why do you hate me so?" But of course. No answer. I didn't expect one. At least there's no slap, no punch. "Well well boy. I see you're up again." No! Stay away from me! I recoil from the voice. It was Uncle Vernon. I stumble past him, and run out the door. I raise my wand hand and with a loud *CLASH* the bus appears. I stumble my way on. "Where to sonny?" the bus driver asks me. Then he looks at me and cries, "My god! What's happened to you?" He turns to the other person on board and motions to him to take me to a bed. The guy helped me to one and laid me down carefully. "I'm gonna have to put a spell on you so you don't get hurt, is that ok?" I nod and suddenly I'm asleep again.  
Next thing I remember is seeing Madam Pompfrey hovering over me. I couldn't remember how I'd gotten there. "Are you alright Harry?" I looked up at her. She was worried. I felt bad for some reason. Guilty. I don't know why! Why am I guilty? What did I do? Why can't I remember? "I....I'm ok. Why am I here?" Madam Pompfrey looks away and then looks back at me. "You don't remember?" she asked hesitantly. I shake my head. "You were hurt. You took the Knight Bus here. I don't know why you were brought here, but you were unconscious when you were dropped off. So I took care of you. You've been here for nearly a week. Classes are about to start." Classes! Oh no! I've not been to Diagon Alley! I need to get my books! My potions! I struggle to sit up but Madam Pompfrey holds me down. "Your supplies have been purchased for you. Professor Dumbledore has already aquired everything you'll need this year." I sigh and lay back down and the next thing I know, I'm looking at the inside of my eyelids.  
Quiet voices. "How is he?" "He's been better, Professor." "What happened to him?" Voices like fog, creeping into my brain. I don't know where the voices are. Who are they? Who are they talking about? Me? What's wrong with me? Nothing! I'm me! I'm human. A boy. "He....Professor he was.....raped." The last word was whispered. Raped? Who was? Was I? Why can't I remember anything? "Did you tell him? Does he know?" "No, Professor. I had to Obliviate his memories of it, to keep his sanity. He doesn't remember anything." Pain. I'm in pain again. I whimper and gentle hands touch me. Words are murmured above me, a male and female voice, calm and soothing. The pain stops. I can't feel it. Drifting. Floating. Then there's only darkness. A good darkness. No pain. No angry voices. No kicks, no slaps. Nothing wrong. I drift away into sleep. ******************************************************************** Ok guys. I was nicer to poor Harry this time wasn't I? But oh, who was the Professor? Was it Dumbledore? I'm not telling! *grins* Review!!! Tell me what you think!!! I'm hanging by a thread, anxious to get reviews! I love reviews! Thanks to rofro05 and Macotee for reviewing. Hopefully more reviews will be done!Thanks! *_* 


	4. Love's First Glance

Is there a God?  
Chapter 4  
"Love's First Glance"  
  
Sleep. Silence. I hear someone. Next to me. Breathing. I wake up slowly. Where am I? I crack open an eye. I don't see anyone. Am I blind? Why can't I see? I close my eyes again before I panic. *You're alright. You're alright.* I thought to myself. I hear breathing again. Someone moving. Who are you? Where are you? Why can't I see you? I open my eyes fully and look around. I see Madam Pompfrey bustling around in her office, but no one near me. I slide up in the bed so I'm semi-inclined. I look around me again. I see a chair next to me. It's empty. Sigh. No one is really here. I'm just thinking it. I feel tears running down my cheek. Then startlingly I feel a gentle finger wipe it away. "Who's there?" I ask, startled. No answer. I feel invisible arms slide around me, cradling me against a firm, warm body. An invisible body. I tense up but that causes me pain. I gasp and the invisible hands brush away my tears again. Then someone lays me back down and strokes my cheek gently. "Who are you?" I ask. "It doesn't matter. I am here for you. Relax, Harry," says a familiar sounding male voice. I try to relax. I feel a hand stroking my side. I hiss as it hits a broken rib. The hand stops and then suddenly I feel nothing. Numbness. I start to drift off to sleep. "I'll stay with you Harry. I'm here. I'll protect you. And I'll never leave you."  
Darkness. I'm walking thru darkness. I see a figure before me. It's walking. Walking away from me. Just like everyone else. I'm alone. I'm afraid. I see people. They snicker at me. Why? What is so funny? I look down at myself. I'm naked. I scream. I don't know why but I'm suddenly shaking. Why? I cover myself with my hands. I'm ashamed. I see that figure again. It's moving towards me. A hand grips my arm. PAIN! I pull myself away and suddenly I'm in a different dream. A featureless plain is before me. I stand, naked, on a plain of snow. I don't feel cold for some reason. I start to walk across the snow, looking behind me. I leave no footprints. I know I should be cold but I'm not. I'm numb. I can't feel anything. In the distance I see mountains. Mountains of ice. I walk towards them. They loom closer and closer to me, towering over me. I see someone standing there. A man. A gorgeous man. He reaches out to me but something in me screams "NOOOOO". I run. I run until I can barely breathe. My side is on fire with pain. My foot suddenly screams with agony. I look down and it's turning glassy, icy, like the snow beneath it. I am afraid. It hurts. God make it stop hurting! I watch, fascinated as the ice slowly entombs my leg, shrouding it in it's icy caress. I try to run but I can't. My leg won't move. I stumble and catch myself with my bare hands. One of them gets slashed and I watch as my red blood oozes out and then turns to ice. I'm now cold. So cold. I shiver. I look around and notice I'm suddenly surrounded by ice mountains. I kneel down and cry, but my tears turn to ice as they run down my cheeks. I'm burning up. I must have a fever.  
Bright light hits my eyes. Madam Pompfrey holds onto my shoulders, her hands like brands. My skin is ice cold, reflecting my dream. Professor Dumbledore holds onto my right hand but someone is still holding on to my left. I look at Professor Dumbledore but he just smiles at me. "Well Harry. You seem to have bad dreams right now. Are you ok?" I nod silently. I'm more interested in the person holding my hand, the person I can't see. Why can't I see them? Are they under an Invisibility cloak? No....I'd see something....I think at least. I wonder if there's a spell or a potion to make you invisible. Madam Pompfrey puts a vial of something to my mouth and I obediantly swallow. A sweet tasting liquid flows into my mouth and down my throat. It tastes like strawberries and chocolate. A numbing sensation flows throughout my body, wiping away the pain. I start to drift back into my disturbed rest.  
A beautiful spring day. Soft green grass under me. Radient sapphire blue sky above me. The wind tossels my black hair, like a friend playing with my hair. I sigh and go back to my book. I am absorbed in this book. It's a muggle book, but it's an interesting story. Something about a gay man realizing he's gay. I feel....something. I think I can relate to him. But why? Why am I feeling like this? Why would I be gay? Or am I? I look up as I hear footsteps behind me. I turn around and there is Professor Snape. Only....it doesn't look like him. His hair is soft and silky, washed and combed. He doesn't have his habitual sneer on his face, instead he has a look of longing. He is dressed in beautiful black leather pants and a black silk shirt with a black cape on. Oh. My heart feels like it's stopped beating. My breath catches in my throat. Oh god. I want him. I want him as I've wanted no one else. He's....beautiful. A god. Oh....why? Why me? Why oh why HIM? I...I need him. I rise to my feet and stumble my way to him. His arms close around me and he holds me. Just holds me. Oh god.....I want this. I've always wanted this. I never let myself feel this way before, but I think I've always loved him.....some deep part of myself has loved him ever since that first Potions class. Oh, this feels so good, so right. He leans my head up and gently kisses my lips. His lips are so soft, so tender. Tears spring to my eyes as I taste him. He's sweet.....so sweet......it's like we were sharing a single piece of candy, letting it melt between our lips. It tastes so......good......oh......I pull back and gasp for breath. "I love you Harry. I always have," he whispers to me. I nod. I feel the same. I know nothing's ever going to be the same. No, not ever again. **************************************************************************** ****** Ok. I put this up originally and forgot to put on a disclaimer....well here it is: Ta da! I DON'T OWN THEM! DON'T SUE ME! I HAVE NOTHING BUT MY IDEAS AND YOU CAN'T HAVE THEM! *cluches ideas to self* HA! *sticks out tongue*  
  
And as always, I'd like to thank my wonderful reviewers!  
  
Macotee rofro05 majikal-musician 


	5. Confessions

Is there a God  
Chapter 5  
Confessions  
Disclaimer: I do not own them as much as I wish I did. So ha!  
  
I wake up. Tears in my eyes. Oh. I remember. My dream. I dreamt of  
Professor Snape! Why? Am I truely falling in love with him? What will everyone think? Ah! Who cares. I love him. I know that now. Well I admit it now, which is an entirely different thing. I've loved him since I met him.  
"I love you Professor Snape!" I murmer to myself. I vaguely remember someone touching me earlier, someone I couldn't see. But who? Who was it? I don't know. Madam Pompfrey chose that moment to come check on me. "Well, Harry dear, it looks like you're healing up just fine. I think it's time to  
let you out of the Hospital Wing. Hopefully I don't see you again this year! Your last year here....I hope it's a better one than all the other six have been!" she smiled down at me and then left my side. I gingerly sat up. Nothing hurt. I swung my legs off the edge of the bed and then stood up. I decided I'd head off towards Gryffindor Tower. I changed my hospital  
gown for my Hogwarts robes, gathered up my things and headed off to the  
dorm. I had my own room this year, since I was a prefect. The floor was cold. It seeped into my skin. I saw Professor Sprout and nodded as I walked past her. Just as I reached the stairs to the Tower, I saw him. Professor Snape looked around and then smiled at me. Not much but enough. "I heard you had an interesting summer, Potter." I just nod at him, unable to speak. My throat constricted. Breathe. You've seen him before! Something about his voice.......but what? Why am I thinking of his voice? It's sexy. God it's sexy. "I....I don't really recall, Professor." "Ah, well it's probably for  
the best. See you in class!" With that he continues on past me. I find myself turning and watching as he walks away. I wish my dream would come true, but will I ever get up the courage to ask him how he feels? I don't know. I continue up the stairs and say the new password: Eschew obfucation. The portrait swung open to admit me. I went up to my new room and sat down on the bed. I looked around and surely enough, there are my pots of ink and  
my parchement. I rise and go to my desk. Ink splatters cover the wooden surface. I sink into the chair and pick up a new quill. I unroll a fresh  
piece of parchement and I start to write:  
  
Dear Professor Snape,  
  
I couldn't get up the courage to tell you this in person so I'll tell you in a letter. I hope you won't think less of me. But here goes. While I was in the Hospital Wing, I had a dream about you. We were outside, I was on  
the grass and you walked up to me. We kissed. I woke thinking of you. I felt like I needed to tell you this. I told you in the dream that I love you. Well I do. I can't believe I just wrote that but I did. I'm not sorry at all either. I've loved you since that first Potions lesson. I'm afraid to send this but if you are reading this I obviously got up the courage to send it. So much for the whole Gryffindor courage eh? I'm being a chicken, and I know it. Just know that I love you. I hope you love me back but if  
you don't I will live. I'll be sad but I'll live. I've lived this long without knowing and I suppose I could live longer without knowing. Anyways,  
I'm going to send this to you and pray that you write back.  
All my love,  
Harry J. Potter  
  
I roll it up and tie a ribbon around it. I then go to the Owlery before I can lose my courage and I tie it to the leg of a school owl. I offer Hedwig a morsel of food then I go back to my room to await a return letter. I hope he writes back. Well too late to worry about it now. I lay on my bed and  
wait. It's all I can do now. Sigh.  
  
********************************************************************** How was that? Wow this is the second chappy I wrote today! And I've posted  
it too! I haven't gotten reviews yet for chappy 3.......*sighs* it says that the  
system is busy or something like that. Well here it is for your viewing pleasure. Press the little go button and  
tell me how I did ok? Thanks! ^_^  
~The Queen of Fluff 


	6. Love Returned

Chapter 6  
Love Returned Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. I own all of the books though! Honestly! I bought them therefore they're mine! All mine! *giggles* Anyways, I'd love to thank my wonderful reviewers who keep pushing me to finish a chapter a day....well this is the fifth chapter in four days so I'm doing good! I can't resist a good story and this gets all those little plot bunnies out of my head! OUT! *points to page* all you cute and loveable little plot bunnies, OUT!!!! *grins* here's the story!  
************ Silence. Blessed silence. I'm anxiously awating a return owl, and yet at the same time I'm afraid to get one. I'm afraid he's going to say that he hates my guts and that I disgust him. I'm trying to keep my hope from rising, but it's hard to do. That letter holds the key to my future. My future lies in my beloved Professor's hands now, his answer will tell me if I'm to be lonely or happy for the rest of my days. I close my eyes, barely able to keep my mind on anything else but thoughts of Snape, his answer. I know I did the right thing but why do I feel like I've made a mistake?  
Wings. The sound of wings! My eyes snap open and I run to the window. A brown owl, a school owl! It's got a letter! A letter with my name on it! I untie the string holding it on the owl's leg then hand the owl a tidbit. It flys away and I fumble with the paper, trying to get it to unroll. My eyes alight on his handwriting, his glorious handwriting.  
  
Harry,  
I must thank you for your honesty at least. I'm afraid I'm a little  
suprised and a little flattered that you admit your feelings to me so  
freely. I won't say I'm not attracted to you but what you want is  
forbidden. I cannot be with you, much as I'd like to be. Oh yes, Harry. I've known you were special ever since I laid my eyes on you. I don't mean because you are the Boy-Who-Lived, no I mean you're special because you're Harry. There's no one else like you. You were very brave to send me that letter, and quite frankly, my eyes had something suspiciously like tears in them as I read it. I too have feelings for you, but I've come to terms with them. I truely don't hate you, no matter how much I may act like it. I had  
to treat you poorly because, well, I'm the Head of Slytherin, and you, well, you're a prefect for Gryffindor. We're opposites. I couldn't have my House knowing I loved the Boy-Who-Lived, the hero of the Gryffindors. It  
was impossible. I'm sorry for all the time's I've embarrased you. And I  
must demand that this letter is to be shown to NO ONE. I swear to you,  
Harry, this must be kept a secret. If someone finds out about us, well,  
let's just say I'll probably be seeing the inside of Azkaban. You're an underage wizard and I'm a Professor. Well, you're nearly 18 but still, the wizarding world considers you underage so I must treat you like that. Just know this Harry: I do love you. You're special to me. I don't want to lose you. Ever. I'd like to spend time with you, time we can be alone together, before the start of classes and before all the other students arrive. We can meet once before the term starts, then we mustn't be seen together. I  
hope you understand. If you agree to meet me, reply to me, tell me. We  
shall meet in the empty classroom four doors down from the Potions  
classroom.  
  
Yours,  
Severus Snape  
  
Oh! He...he....oh god! I have to sit down. He wants to meet me, see me, alone. Oh god. I hope he's being truthful and not just trying to torture me. Oh god. I can't breathe properly. I...I have to go to him, I have to see him. Just to be with him. This once. I need to let him see how I feel. I fumble with a scroll and I write my answer:  
  
I'd love to meet you. Love, Harry  
  
I roll it up inside an old potion assignment and walk out of my room. I slowly walk down to the Potion Master's office. I somehow manage not to jump for joy or anything. I politely knock on the door. "Come in," says that surly voice I've come to love. He looks up at me. "H..Harry! I didn't expect to....see you." "Yes, Professor. I've come to ask about an answer on last years Potion final." I say, winking at him. "Well, bring it here and I'll answer it," he says, motioning me towards him. I walk over to him and unroll the scroll, showing him my answer. He looks up at me, then smiles slightly. "Well, that's an interesting question. You see, you got it right. The only thing I counted off for was that you misspelt Petrificus. See here? You spelled it P-e-t-r-i-f-c-i-s....it's a 'u' not an 'i' at the end," he said. He looked like he was obviously trying to be surly. "Even Longbottom spelled it right. How can you, dear Potter, not be able to spell?" "I...I don't know, sir," I say meekly. I nod at him as I roll up the scroll. "Well, I suppose I'll see you later then, sir. At dinner I mean," I announce, winking at him as I speak. "Goodbye, Professor." I pick up my scroll and walk out the door. I'm a little ways down the hallway when I suddenly smile, a smile so big and bright I'm suprised I don't light up these dark, dreary hallways.  
********  
  
Well, there's the fifth chappy! Review! I would like to know what you guys think so far. Did you like what Snape wrote? Were you suprised? Did you think he'd admit his feelings? Tell me! *grins* ~The Queen of Fluff 


	7. Dinner and a Meeting?

Is there a God? Chapter 7 Dinner and a...Meeting? Disclaimer: I don't own them. Don't sue me. I have nothing. You have nothing. We all have nothing! *grins* ok...I'm a little crazy......I admit it. Does anyone know where that line above came from? I'll give you a hint, it originally went: "I'm lucky, you're lucky, we're ALL lucky!" Any guesses? Well, anyways here's the story!  
  
I look at the clock. It's almost dinner time! Yes! I think we agreed to meet after dinner, but I'll find out when I go down to eat. I get up and brush myself off. I'm as ready as I'll ever be to face him around others. I walk out the door and down to the Great Hall. I'm actually nervous. Me. Nervous. I wonder why? I walk in the room and there he sits, deep in conversation with Madame Pompfrey. I walk over and sit across from them. "Hello Proffessor Snape, Madame Pompfrey. How are you this evening?" "Oh I'm doing fine, Harry. How are you? You look much better now that you're up and moving about? Do you still hurt?" Madame Pompfrey asks me. "Yes, I feel much better now. I'm doing very well. And you, Professor? Are you well?" I ask Snape. I look deep in his eyes for a moment then look away. "Potter. Yes, I'm doing well.Thank you for asking. Now, may I advise that we eat?" With that he picks up his fork and says, "Meatloaf with boiled carrots and pumpkin juice." I look down at my empty golden plate and say, " Hot dogs and french fries." I notice both Snape and Madame Pompfrey looking at me. "It's a muggle food I'm rather fond of." I say to their questioning faces. I spear a hot dog and slowly stick it in my mouth and bite off a piece.  
  
******************SNAPE P.O.V.***************** I watch as Harry orders his food and I look at him funny when he says "hot dogs". "It's a muggle food I'm rather fond of," he tells me. Oh. I discretely watch as he spears his food and slowly takes a bite. I wonder if he knows how seductive he's being? No. I don't think he does. I just watch him eat and try to keep control over myself. I finish eating quickly then I say,"I....I'll see you later, Poppy, Harry." I wink at him and then hurry off before my lust can overcome me. Don't want to frighten the boy after all! I hurry off to my office and then sit and breathe deeply. I hope he knows to meet me, I think. Well either way at least I can calm down before I see him again. ******************NORMAL P.O.V.***************** I look up at him. He's trying to rush away. I wonder why? I dunno. I too finish my dinner quickly. "I'll see you later Madame Pompfrey." She nods at me and then I leave the Great Hall. I nod at Dumbledore before I leave and then rush up to my bedroom to change. I slide into a pair of muggle pants, leather ones. I put on a very soft cotton shirt and then put my robes on over it. I go to his office quicly, under my Invisibility Cloak. I knock on the door. 


	8. A Sweet Encounter

Chapter 8 A Sweet Encounter  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore or any of the other Harry Potter characters. I wish I did cuz then I'd be rich but I don't. Thanks to my wonderful reviewers who keep me motivated! *grins* later chappies are being devoted to my friend CastingSoulEyes....she gave me an idea and I'm crediting her with it! *smiles* Well here's the next chappy!  
  
***SNAPE P.O.V.***  
SNAPE'S ROOM  
God! He's going to be here any minute. I need to get ready! But what should I wear? Oh, why did I agree to this meeting? I know why. Love. That emotion I've tried to avoid, yet still was ambushed by. But why'd I fall for him? oh this is hopeless! Get ready you git! He'll be here any moment. I go to my closet and pull out some of my nice clothes. I pull on my tight black jeans and a black muscle shirt. I put a spell on my hair to make it shine without the grease. I know what the students say about my hair. I laugh to myself. Knowing what they'd look like if they'd seen me now, my hair soft and shiny. Their mouths would probably drop. I stop my woolgathering and grab a soft bnlack cloak then walk out of my rooms. I stride down the hallways till I treach the door I'm to go in. I say the password and endet. I don't see Harry yet so I go to one of the chairs and relax. My mind wanders back to dinner and watching Harry eating his 'hotdogs'. God, that is enough to turn me on! He eats so...so...seductively! It's not fair! I'd like him to.....My mind trails off as I hear a knock on the door. I rise with a swich of my cloak and pace to the door. I open it but there's no one there. I look around and then shake my head. I close the door and then turn around. I see half of Harry. He's removing his Invisibility Cloak! I see the soft shirt he's wearing, showing off his nice, toned body. Shock. Pure shock. Then the beginnings of lust. He drops the cloak to the floor and I can see his pants. They're a soft black leather. Oh god.....He's perfect! My mouth drops open and I can tell he's pleased with my reaction. He looks gorgeous....delicious. Suddenly I'm very glad I arranged this meeting.  
"Harry," I gasp. "You look...amazing. I guess all that Quidditch paid off!" He smiles at me. "You don't look bad, yourself, Professor," he says with a seductive smile...a smile that showed a little bit of lust in it. "Please, call me Severus or Sev while we're alone," I tell the young Gryffindor. "All right Sev. You look pretty hot to be honest. I like your hair," he says softly, walking towards me slowly. "May I touch it?" At my nod he runs his hands through my hair, his eyes closing as he fondles my hair. I close my eyes and I lean into his caress. I suddenly feel his lips touch mine for a gentle kiss. My eyes open, startled to look into his vibrant green ones. He smiles at my startled expression. "I've wanted to do that since I first saw you," he says then leans back in and kisses me again. My eyes close and I surrender to his kiss, loosing myself in his arms. I pull him down next to me and cuddle him to me. Life is good. Very good.  
  
Sorry this chappy is shorter but I'm working on Ch. 8. I ran out of ideas for this one....I think Harry's gonna have flashbacks to Ch. 1 in the next one.....*grins* I'm debating if I want it for the next chappy or the one after that....it's gonna be in the next two chappies though! *grins* REVIEW!!! press that cute little go button and tell me what you think! 


	9. A Comforting Shoulder

Chapter 9 A Comforting Shoulder  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own them! This chappy is dedicated to all my wonderful reviewers! Keep reviewing! *Bows to them* I was asked to add a description of Snape....well....here it is! Harry's Chappy! Warning: there is Harry and Severus kissing! ^_^ Flashbacks! Sev comforts Harry. Review!!! Thanks! ~QoF  
  
***Harry's P.O.V.***  
I knock on the door and Snape answers it. Of course, he can't see me so I slip in next to him and start to unveil myself. I smile at the look on his face as he turns around. Shock. And lust. I can see it in his eyes. He definately looks like he dressed for the occassion, with tight black jeans and a tank top that left his sexy muscles shown. Oh and his hair.....it nearly BEGGED me to run my hands through it. He looked sexy. The longing look on his face turned what some thought was an ugly countance into a gorgeous man. He looked years younger and didn't look nearly as cynical. He looked.....amazingly.... beautiful. I didn't think he could ever look like that. His black eyes were shining and he had a look of...uncertainty? Love? Lust? I wasn't sure what the look was, but I liked it. It made him look human. I can't remember when those lovely lips of his hadn't been in a snarl. But now they were...oh. Soft and smiling at me. I'd never truely seen him smile at me! It made him look peaceful. Loving.  
"Harry," he gasps at me. "You look...amazing. I guess all that Quidditch practice paid off!" He smiles at me. Oh god. His teeth are showing, all white and shiny. His lips look like blood red rubies, dark and soft. "You don't look bad yourself, Professor," I say to him with a smile. "Please, call me Severus or Sev when we're alone," the Head of Slytherin tells me. My gaze takes in his softly glowing black hair. I'm close enough that I can see the bluish highlights in his silky hair. I don't know how he did it but oh....I love his hair. It looks so soft....I want to touch it. "Alright, Sev. I like your hair," I say softly, walking towards him, anxious to close the gap between us. "May I touch it?" He nods at me and I run my hand through his hair, my eyes closing. His hair is just as soft as I could wish, softer than silk. I love it. I see his eyes close and I lean down to kiss him. His lips are soft and yielding to me as I kiss him. His lovely ebon eyes open, startled to look into my green ones. I smile at his startled expression. It looks like no one has ever done that to him before. "I've wanted to do that since I first saw you," I say then I lean back in and kiss him again, loving the sweet taste of his mouth. I lose myself in his lips, my tongue starting to flick along his mouth. Oh. This feels so right. I know I'm doing the right thing. He pulls me down next to him and cuddles me. Oh god, he's so strong. So....loving. It nearly takes my breath away, how gentle he's being with me. His hands start to stroke my sides and I rise up to straddle his legs. My tongue presses against his lips, begging for entrance. He opens his mouth to me and I start to probe his mouth with my tongue, his breath so sweet, it's like the sweetest of chocolates. I love the taste. He wraps his arms around me, pulling me into his arms. He holds me as though I were fragile glass, as if, if he were to touch me harder that I'd break. It makes my heart beat faster and faster and I moan into his mouth. Oh god.....I want this. This feels.....right. Yet.....there's a feeling.......I don't know why but I'm feeling......anxious. Afraid. But afraid of what??? Why would I be afraid?  
  
***FLASHBACK*** Pain. It hurts so much. I can't stop it. PAIN!  
  
***CURRENT*** I jerk back. "What is it Harry?" Sev asks me, looking worried. "I....I don't know Sev. I don't know!" my voice sounds a little panicked even to me. He runs his hand over my hair, trying to soothe me. "I...Sev...I felt pain. Something....it was like a flashback....but I don't know to when!" My eyes grew a little wider.  
  
***FLASHBACK*** "Get up boy!" Yells a voice behind me. I try to but I can't move thru the pain. "I said MOVE!" I get a kick to the rib. I try to force myself to my feet but I can't rise above my knees. I am naked and I'm bleeding. "You're worthless, boy. You can't even please me. "  
  
***CURRENT*** "Oh! God! What was that!" I nearly scream. "Sev....I....I just heard a voice.....it....oh god....it said I was worthless....that I couldn't please him....oh god Sev.....am I going crazy?" My voice cracks. Oh god....what was that.....that.....vision? What happened in that vision? Who was talking? "Oh, Harry, love..."  
  
***FLASHBACK*** "Come here!" the man beacons to me and I crawl my way to him, trying to keep from getting hurt more. He grabs the back of my head. "Now boy, you're going to please me or I'll beat you till you can't ever rise again! Do you understand me?"  
  
***CURRENT*** I jump again, my eyes wide with terror. What was happening to me??? "Sev....I....I.....oh god!" I throw my hands over my ears and hide my eyes on the cloth of the chair. Tears slid down my face. I'm terrified. What was going on! I don't understand!  
  
***FLASHBACK*** he shoves his hard cock down my throat. I gag on it. It stinks. He grabs a fist full of my hair and forces me to move up and down on his dirty dick. Harder and harder he moves my head, gagging me. I start to choke. He slaps me. I try to not breath. "Suck boy!" He slaps me again.  
  
***CURRENT*** "Oh GOD! He....he....oh...." I sob against the chair, unable to look at Severus. I suddered and cried.  
  
***FLASHBACK*** He kicks me and sends me sprawling. My head hits the wall and as I'm blacking out I see him buttoning up his pants. "Vernon!" "Yes, Petunia- dear?" "Dinner's ready!" "I'm on my way!" He kicks me one last time. I black out.  
  
***CURRENT*** "OH!" I knew who had done that to me.....Vernon.....god......that man made me feel filthy now. "I....what did I do to deserve that?" I finally looked up at Sev and his heartbroken face. "Did....you....k...k...know? He....Vernon......he......raped me......" I shuddered again. He took me in his arms. "I knew something had happened to you. Madame Pompfrey thought you may have been raped but I....Harry, I didn't know for sure. I....god....I feel like this is my fault for some reason. Harry, I love you. I've never said that to anyone before. But I do, I love you and only you Harry. God I wish I could go and....and...castrate that son of a bitch! I can't believe he had the.....guts to do that! Oh God Harry...." he had tears running down his face. "You did nothing to deserve that. No one deserves that. I....oh Harry....I love you so much." He brushed away my tears. "I feel so bad for you....I know what it's like to be....brutalized...like that. My father did before he died......and he managed to convince me that I'd deserved it. I will tell you this now Harry, YOU DID NOTHING. Anyone who could do that isn't human. He's a monster. A human wouldn't do that to someone, no matter how much he hated him. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT." he held me close, trying to calm my shuddering. "You'll be fine, I'm here for you. I understand. And I'll never leave you." 


	10. A Loving Embrace

Chapter 10 A Loving Embrace  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own them....why do I have to put this up everytime? I dunno. Well this one goes out yet again to my wonderful reviewers. You guys keep inspiring me to get out the chappies quickly. I mean, this one is going out not more than four hours after chappy 8... I mean I live for your guys' reviews! Well here it is in all it's wonderful glory! *grins* This chappy is mainly Sev helping Harry overcome his sudden fears and to reassure him. I'm speaking from personal experience here so it helps make it realistic.  
  
Sev holds me in his arms, rocking me back and forth like a little child. That's all it takes to break through my defences and make me break down into tears on his shoulder. I cling to him like a child lost in a storm, sobbing my heart out in his arms, making that wonderful black tank top soggy with pearly tears. He says something over and over, but I can't understand him. I'm crying too much. I do catch the tone of his voice and it's soothing and reassuring. I'd normally have been afraid of showing Sev my fears but I believed him when he said that he loves me. I am so glad that he's here, to help me. As a partner. Not as a teacher or a councelor or anything. He's my partner. I know that. But still it feels like there is something broken inside me. Something that I don't know if can be fixed. I think it's my soul. It shattered with that memory. I felt filthy, like someone that doesn't deserve love. I only deserve what I got, hate and violence. No. Sev said I'm not to blame. I believe him. But oh god.....it's so hard to convince myself of that. My mind keeps replaying those damned memories....Why can't I get them to stop? I want them to stop. I shudder as I see it all over again. My mind doesn't have a stop button! Why can't I just forget? "Sev," I sob. "Can you....." I hiccup, "cast....obliv...obliviate...on," I hiccup again, "me?" He holds me close and smooths down my unruly hair. "Madame Pompfrey already did. I don't think it'd help to do it again Harry. They'd just come back when you least expect them and then you'd be even worse. Cry yourself out now and I'll help you get through this. I promise, Harry, I know how you feel. Are your memories replaying themselves?" I nod and he sighs. "I figured they would. Harry just remember that none of this, I repeat, NONE of this is your fault. I'm going to see if we can't bring that jerkoff that calls himself your uncle can be charged with rape. Your memories will be enough, Harry. That's another good reason not to obliviate them. If we do we'll have no evidence. I'm sorry love, but I can't do what you want." I lean down and cry into his shoulder again, trying to get the little movie that's now playing in my head to stop. Suddenly I remember a voice I heard when I first arrived in the Hospital Wing, right after Madame Pompfrey gave me a potion. "Sev, where you in the Hospital Wing when I was brought in?" I looked at him. "Why, Harry?" he asks me. "I remember hearing a male Professor and Madame Pompfrey was talking to him. Then I remember someone talking to me telling me they'd not leave me. Was it you, Sev?" He nods and I hug him close to me. "You said you'd never leave me. Is that true?" "Harry, love, I wouldn't leave you if my life depended on it, especially not right now. The only thing I can think of is to get you calmed down and take you to see Professor Dumbledore. He'll know who to contact to bring Vernon into a trial. You're still an underage wizard and even if you were adult it's illegal." He soothes me back down to his shoulder. I'm nearly cried out for the moment. "All done, sweetling?" he asks gently, rubbing my back. I nod to him and he slowly wipes away my tears. "Do you want to go see Professor Dumbledore? He'll know what to do," he asks me, quietly. I don't think he wanted to disturb me. "I....I suppose I should. The evidence is getting older by the moment," I sigh, nearly hiccuping again. He stands up with me in his arms as though I didn't weigh a thing. He gently sets me on my feet and grabs my Invisibility cloak. "We'll take this to my office and then go see Dumbledore, ok?" At my nod we walk out the door and I wait for him to take it to his office and rejoin me. I stand up straight, not wanting to show anyone that we were together. "Sev, uh, perhaps you'd better be....oh I don't know, snarly at me? Make it look like your not favoring me, not with me." I whisper to him. He looks down at me and smiles sweetly. "I don't want to but I know it's for the best." He winks at me then says, "Alright Potter, you're coming with me to see Proffessor Dumbledore. He'll know what to do with you." He starts to stalk down the halls like he owns them and it's not till he's walking that I realize he's thrown a robe over his clothes. "Uh, Sev?" I whisper. He stops and turns back to me. "Could we, you know, stop by my room so I can get a robe?" He smiles at me then whispers back, "What and cover up those nice clothes? I don't think the Headmaster will mind." "You're probably right, lead away," I whisper. Good thing there's no one in these halls. They'd have to wonder why we were whispering to each other. He stalked along the corridors, I walked in his wake and looked sullen. We reached the gargoyle guarding Professor Dumbledore's office and Sev spit out the password. "Chocolate Kiss," he hissed and the gargoyle jumped out of the way to reveal the winding staircase. We rode it up and Dumbledore said, joyfully, "Come in Harry, Severus. Tell me what's wrong." Sev stalked in the room and sat down in one of the chairs before Dumbledore. I meekly followed, feeling like I was about to burst into tears again. I sat down gingerly on the other chair and didn't look at either of the men in the room. I studied my hands, like I'd never seen them before. I didn't wanna go over this again. Yet I knew I had to. "Albus, Harry's been raped." Sev told Dumbledore.  
  
Sorry for the cliffy but I'll write the next chappy soon......and have it out probably by today or tomorrow I promise! Don't kill me! ~QoF 


	11. A Heartfelt Relief

Chapter 11 A Heartfelt Relief  
  
Disclaimer: Yet again I'll say I don't own them. This is just wasting space but I have to put it there....*sighs* Anyways, I'm sorry for the cliffy in the last chappy it was getting to be a little long so.......I ended it there and started it here! *smiles* hope you guys like what I've done so far! Here is chappy 10! Read and Review!  
  
"Albus, Harry's been raped." Sev told Dumbledore. Dumbledore doesn't say anything for a moment, merely  
  
raises his eyebrows. "Who did it?" he finally asks. "I...my uncle....Ver....Vernon." I speak up, quietly. I'm still  
  
staring at my hands, avoiding their gazes. I can't bear to look up. I'm afraid of what Dumbledore's face will  
  
look like. Sev says it's not my fault. I'm maybe starting to believe it. But I 'm not sure what others will think,  
  
will say. I really shouldn't care but I do. I'm afraid to face him because I'm afraid he's gonna say it was my  
  
fault, that I tempted him too much, made him lose control. "Harry, when did this happen? I hate to do this to  
  
you but I'm afraid I must. I need to know so we can bring him in for a trial." There was sympathy in his  
  
voice. Dumbledore felt sympathetic? Did he agree with Sev? Oh god why would he? I know this is my fault,  
  
because he wouldn't have done it otherwise. "Harry?" Dumbledore asks. "It happened....right before I ran  
  
away. I used my wand hand to get on the Knight Bus and got here. I....I don't know how long ago that was.  
  
Do you need my memories?" I finally looked up at him, to see him smiling at me. He believed I didn't do  
  
anything to deserve it. Why does everyone think I'm so good? That I couldn't ever do anything wrong? Oh,  
  
I don't know. Everyone trusts me. "Yes, Harry, we'll need your memories. We can use the Pensive and make  
  
them rather blurry if you'd like. We can get those horrible thoughts out of your mind." I nearly cried with  
  
relief, knowing I was going to be able to get rid of these filthy memories. "Please, Professor. I'd like that.  
  
Can we do it now?" I plead. Dumbledore smiles at me and laughs gently. "Yes my boy. We can do it now.  
  
Let me retrieve the Pensive." He rises to go to that cabnet again, the one where he hid the Pensive. He  
  
brings it over to me. "Think into it. Let your thoughts pour out into it. They'll go where they need to be," he  
  
says smilingly. I don't think he ever got rid of that smile. He watched me as I slowly brought every horrible,  
  
filthy thought up to the surface and along with it brought every doubt and fear it caused with it. I let them  
  
all fall into the Pensive, watching the silverish liquid absorb the memories. I finally felt free again. I could  
  
finally feel like maybe Sev was right. It wasn't my fault. I nearly cry again from the sheer relief of not having  
  
to cope with the horrible memories. I sit back in the chair and watch as Dumbledore walks back over to his  
  
side of the desk and looks into the Pensive. He's watching my memories, I realize after a moment.  
  
"Yes....these will be enough evidence against him. We'll see you avenged Harry," he says, looking up at me.  
  
His happy face is suddenly solemn. I'd never seen him look like that. I almost felt sorry for Vernon but I  
  
couldn't quite bring myself to feel that emotion for him. I doubted I ever would. "Harry, you need sleep. I  
  
recommend that Professor Snape here escort you back to your bed." He winks at me. "Let me deal with this.  
  
You go rest. Classes will start in a couple days. I'll call you back here when I need you, ok?" With that we  
  
were both dismissed. Sev led me down the stairs. "Do you want to sleep alone?" he asks. "I....not really. I'll  
  
just cry by myself if I do. Why? What'd you have in mind?" I look up at him, hopeful. "Well...you could  
  
come with me to my rooms and I'll keep watch over you." I nod, liking the idea. "I....I'd like that Sev. Please,"  
  
I answer him. My answer brings a smile to his face. "We'll need my Invisibility cloak," I remind him. He nods  
  
and we walk down the hall to his office. He goes in and brings it out to me, handing it to me. I lean over and  
  
whisper in his ear, "I'll meet you in five minutes in front of the Great Hall. I'll touch your arm and then you go  
  
towards your rooms and I'll follow. I'll meet you in five minutes!" I walk off, smiling at him. He nods and  
  
walks the other direction. Once he's out of sight and no one is around to see it, I slide the Invisibility Cloak  
  
over me, completely hiding my presence. I slowly walk along the corridors, not wanting to make a sound to  
  
attract attention. After the five minutes were reaching an end I see Sev standing in an alcove, waiting for me.  
  
I touch his arm gently and he sighs, then walks off. I follow him. He says his password and then walks in to  
  
the room. I follow and once the door's shut I decloak myself. I go to his open arms and he holds me gently.  
  
He leads me into his bedchambers, setting me down on the soft black comforter. I wait as he rolls down the  
  
comforter to reveal black silken sheets. He picks me up and lays me down then removes my shoes and my  
  
pants as though he were undressing a small child. I don't protest but I do get a nervous feeling. "Don't  
  
worry Harry. I won't hurt you. I'd never hurt you." I relax and let him remove the clothing. He then removes  
  
his pants and slides off the shoes, kicking everything into a corner. He then slides into bed next to me and  
  
holds me against his warm, muscular body. I sigh as I feel his arms holding me, gently. "I love you, Severus  
  
Snape." I murmer as I drift off to sleep. "I love you, Harry Potter. I'm here and I'll never, ever leave you." 


	12. Madame Pompfrey Remembers

Chapter 12 Madame Pompfrey Remembers  
  
Disclaimer: Yet again, I will say that I don't own anything relating to Harry Potter other than the books. For all my wonderful reviewers that keep bugging me to write more info....well....I suppose I'll post this.....I've been thinking and trying to figure out how so many people can seem to read my mind! *grins* I swear, I've had a few people who wanted me to write what I already had planned....*grins* I've had a few people say that Sev isn't acting like his usual self....well....he's not around all the students...he acts like that because he has to keep his students' respect and all that....*grins again*  
  
To my WONDERFUL reviewers: Gryphynwng: Yes I do love Misty's books! Actually, that dream was very similar...I had a dream similar to that......and that's why I used it....I noticed after I wrote it that it resembled that dream....not only that one but the one where Van dreamt of 'Lendel standing on the grass but it was a little different....*goes off to reread Magic's Pawn* ^_^  
  
Nightwalker: Well....this is gonna give you the info you were wanting! *grins*  
  
PharaophsBeloved: The reason Ron and Hermoine aren't present is Harry escaped right before the start of the term and they haven't arrived yet....Don't worry though they will be soon enough and I'll be writing all about their trip to Hogwarts....I think I will though.....  
  
majikal-musician: Read what I wrote above and then I'll tell you a secret....they won't know! Harry promised Sev he'd not tell anyone....and that means Ron and Hermoine....he may slip though...I haven't written that part yet....^_^  
  
***Poppy's P.O.V.*** I bustle about the Infirmary, making sure everything is in it's place. I keep thinking back to Harry Potter. That poor boy. It seems like his life is just....dangerous. Why is he like a magnet for trouble? I can't think of a time since he's been here that he hasn't come to me, hurt or sick with something or other. I swear, it's like he just screams out 'hey, trouble, I'm over here! Come get me!' and then, here I am, taking care of him. I honestly don't know what to do about him. I wonder if I worry about him too much, maybe I make him come back in here to me....I don't know! I just know that Harry has had too much pain in his short life. Makes me wish I could actually confort him, to ease his dread.  
  
**FLASHBACK**  
  
Harry lying still under my hand, barely breathing. His skin was discolored from numerous bruises. His skin was cold and clammy, making me wonder how he managed to make it here in one piece. He looked like he was knocking on Death's door and I was both suprised and grateful that he'd managed to arrive here. I turned and thanked the driver of the Knight Bus for driving here so quickly and then turned back to my patient. I looked him over and muttered a spell over him, revealing his wounds. I then noticed, to my horror, the signs of rape and abuse. 'It couldn't be,' I thought to myself then roused myself enough to summon a House Elf to run to Severus Snape. I told the Elf to tell Snape that I needed a strong pain potion and something that wouldn't affect the sleeping potion I was going to give him. I watched the Elf scamper away and then turned my undivided attention back to Harry. Poor dear, he seemed to be getting a little worse, his breathing getting shallower and shallower as I watched. I murmured another spell and breathed life back into his poor, broken body. His breathing resumed a more normal pace and then the doors to the Infirmary burst open, revealing a snarling Snape followed by a hunched over, whimpering House Elf. I dismissed the Elf and then turned to Snape. I saw the horror on his face before he turned to me, a perfect snarling mask over his face. He had seen that I'd seen his expression and he quickly threw up a mask, so I wouldn't know how he felt. I sighed and held out my hand for the potion. He handed it to me with a hand that shook ever so slightly. It was damp as I touched him, taking the vial of potion from him before he could drop it and shatter the delicate glass vial on the stone floor. I hold it to his pale lips and pour the liquid down his throat. He still isn't awake yet, but I notice he reflexively drinks it down. I pour the sleeping potion into his mouth as well and watch as he drifts off into true sleep. I look over at Snape and notice then that he's taken another vial out of his pocket and sits down beside Harry. "Don't worry, Poppy, I'll watch over him. No one will see me either," he said, holding up the vial. "It's an invisibility potion. This way, if he wakes up, someone will be there for him. I'd actually rather not have him know that it was me here....it may frighten him, making his condition worse. He'll just have someone here in case he wakes up. Ok?" I look at him and then smile softly. "Alright, Severus. I'll take you at your word," I say softly, watching as he unstoppers the vial of potion and drinks it in one gulp. I watch as he fades out of view. "I trust you, Severus. Watch over him and tell me immediately if anything happens." I nod at the invisible professor and walk back to my office.  
  
**CURRENT** I sigh as I remember the day that Harry returned to Hogwarts. I couldn't bear to tell Albus about Harry being raped......I just COULDN'T. I knew it'd break his heart and I couldn't bring myself to do that. I love Albus, he's the best thing that's ever happened to this school. I sigh and make my rounds of the Hospital Wing. All is silent. I then walk back to my office and sit down and grab the cup of peppermint tea I'd left simmering. I take a sip and then sit back and relax.  
  
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Well, I hope you guys liked that chappy...I worked on it for a while...I had a hard time doing this thru Poppy's eyes....but hopefully it turned out all right! *grins* Review please!!! I thrive on reviews...*goes to work on chappy 13* 


	13. Severus Remembers

Chapter 13 Severus Remembers  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Don't sue me!  
  
***SEVERUS P.O.V.*** I open my eyes to see Harry sprawled across the bed. He has managed to wrap himself up in the covers, dragging them off of me. I smile then lay back against the soft pillow. I still can't believe I actually let myself fall for a student, the boy wonder of all people! I sigh to myself, thinking deeply. My thoughts turn to Harry and last night, about his flashbacks. I don't know entirely what he thought or what he saw but...I guess I'm just thankful that he managed to let me hold him, to reassure him. I feel so bad for him...and to know that we're gonna have to put on an act when schools starts...I don't know if I'm up to it. I mean, I am nearly twice his age and he's still technically underage. While he's a student here he's gonna be underage. I cannot let his reputation get ruined by me, I refuse to let it happen. As I lay there, my thoughts turned back to the day Harry arrived here, so hurt and abused.  
  
***FLASHBACK***  
  
I was making a potion when everything was interrupted by a House Elf. "Master Severus, sir? I was sent from Madame Pompfrey for you sir. She says to tell you to bring a pain potion, sir, one that won't affect a sleeping potion." I look at the House Elf and snarl. "Here, take this," I say, holding out a vial of pain potion. "I...sir, I think she wants you there as well..." the house elf says, hesitantly. "Oh very well," I snarl and sweep past the poor frightened elf. I make my way into the Infirmary, the doors banging against the wall as I enter. I went in, snarling, followed by a hunched over, whimpering House Elf. Pompfrey dismissed the Elf and then turned to me. I was horrified by what I saw, the horror reflecting on my face before I turned to her. I put up a perfect snarling mask over my face, to hide what I felt. I knew she'd seen my horror but I still threw up the mask. She sighed and held out her hand for the potion. I handed it to her with a hand that shook ever so slightly. It was damp as she touched me, taking the vial of potion from me before I could drop it and shatter the delicate glass vial on the stone floor. I watched as she poured the potion down Harry's throat and then pour a sleeping potion as well. I watch as he drifts off into a true sleep. I sit down next to Harry, taking a vial out of my pocket. I see Pompfrey looking at me oddly and I say, "Don't worry, Poppy, I'll watch over him. No one will see me either," I said, holding up the vial. "It's an invisibility potion. This way, if he wakes up, someone will be there for him. I'd actually rather not have him know that it was me here....it may frighten him, making his condition worse. He'll just have someone here in case he wakes up. Ok?" She just looks at me and then smiles softly. "Alright, Severus. I'll take you at your word," she says softly, watching as I unstopper the vial of potion and drink it in one gulp. She watchs as I fade out of view. "I trust you, Severus. Watch over him and tell me immediately if anything happens." She nods at me, invisible as I am and walks back to her office. I sit next to him, stroking his hair, staring at him. God he's beautiful. I can't help the faint stirrings of love I feel and they rather alarm me. I....I can't be feeling what I am....can I? I don't know. I feel like....like I want to protect Harry. But....I can't do that. No one can. Not when Voldemort is after him. I can make his life a little easier but that's all I can do. I look over at him again and notice he seems to be coming back to awareness. It's happening a little too quickly so I go get Pompfrey. She bustles over to him and we both see him open his startling green eyes, eyes that show pain and too many other things. Old eyes in a young face, jaded eyes, eyes that have seen that the world wasn't a friendly place. I wanted to take that out of his eyes, let him see that some things were good and nice and all that. I wanted to take away his pain. Pompfrey leans over him, looking down at him.  
"Are you alright Harry?" Madame Pompfrey asks him, worry lines marking her face. "I....I'm ok. Why am I here?" he asks, rather hesitantly. Madam Pompfrey looks away and then looks back at me. "You don't remember?" she asked hesitantly. He shakes his head. "You were hurt. You took the Knight Bus here. I don't know why you were brought here, but you were unconscious when you were dropped off. So I took care of you. You've been here for nearly a week. Classes are about to start." Madame Pompfrey states. He struggles to sit up but Madam Pompfrey holds him down. "Your supplies have been purchased for you. Professor Dumbledore has already aquired everything you'll need this year." At that he relaxes and drifts back to sleep.  
"How is he?" I ask, quietly, not wanting to wake the poor injured boy. "He's been better, Professor," Pompfrey answers, just as quietly. "What happened to him?" I ask, hesitantly, not sure I want to know the answer. "He....Professor he was.....raped." I pale at the answer. It's as I thought, but hoped against. Oh, the poor poor child. He'd been tortured, molested and there was nothing I could do about it. It made me remember my father, when I was little and had done something to displease him. He'd done the same thing to me and it'd taken years till I was well enough to ever seek out a relationship. I hoped Harry wouldn't have as long of a time to wait till he was healthy again.  
  
***Current*** I look over at the young boy next to me and smile again. I will help him through this. However I can. I just...I don't want the school term to start up again so quickly. I want time with Harry, time we don't have to hide. I want to just be able to hold him, to kiss him....I want to be with him without worrying about what people would say. I want to be able to love him in the open not in secret, in hiding. I want to be with him. Forever.  
  
**** Hope you all liked that! More flashbacks! More Severus! YAY!!! There will be slash in the upcoming chappies...but not for maybe two or three more at the LEAST! well review and tell me what you think! 


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